Dreaming of husband’s mistress (updated)

If you’re a married woman and you dream of your husband having a mistress, it means you have a strained domestic relationship. If you’re a married husband and you dream of having a mistress, then you have to admit that your relationship with your wife is not stable.

However, if you (either male or female) are already unfaithful before having this dream of the other sex partner, then this dream does not have much impact. It could be a dream of nostalgia for your other partner.

You may dream of a woman and know instinctively she is your husband’s mistress. You might have picked up vibes that your spouse has someone who he treats as more important than you. For example, he might leave you alone in the dark, while he hails the first available cab, to send him to his girlfriend / mistress’ hotel room. If you felt hurt at this slight, it may trigger a dream about your husband’s mistress. If you ave observed your spouse’s behaviors and seen how your trust has been betrayed by acts of infidelity, then your knowledge may trigger dreams of your spouse cheating on you. 

Sometimes, there are other interpretations of this dream about your husband’s mistress. Your emotional insecurity could also be a factor in triggering this kind of dream. If you have observed your spouse, checked on his fidelity, and derived at the conclusion that he has not been keeping a mistress, then you need to work on your emotional security. Feeling suspicious and gut instinct are different i nature. You should have observations and empirical evidence to support your suspicions. 

Has there been cause for you to feel jealous? If there were no real evidence of unfaithful behaviors, you might wish to work on your trust issues.

If the main theme is about you, like you are the one who is straying away from your marriage, then this may trigger a dream about your husband having a mistress. You may have thought of breaking away from your domestic relationship, leaving your position vacant for the next successor. You might wonder who would be your estranged husband’s girlfriend or mistress, or you wouldn’t care less. 

You may dream of your husband’s mistress but in reality, does he really have a mistress? Men spend a large proportion of time at work. In fact, a common saying goes, “A man is married to his work”. This is because he spends a lot of time  on his work. His work can sometimes be mistaken as his mistress as he does not go home punctually, or he spends his weekends away from home because he clocks up hours at work.

Some men have hobbies like fishing, playing pool, golf, or recreational activities. These events take up time. The wife or family who waits at home for his return, may wonder where he has went and may even think he spends time with a mistress. The husband who spends a lot of time on his hobby may be misunderstood as cheating on his wife. The husband who is away from his wife for long periods of time, may trigger dreams of cheating. The wife may suspect her spouse of cheating, because of her husband’s mistress or girlfriend. 

There are different cases, where the wife might not even suspect her husband for cheating. She did not dream in real life, nor in her night, that her husband would cheat on her. Then one day, she gets a stimulus that her husband has cheated. This is a devastating shock. The wife who was too busy attending to her sphere of responsibilities, may not have picked up signals that her husband was cheating.

A wife’s pregnancy is commonly the time when her husband cheats on her. There have been countless stories of how the husband strayed away from his wife, at the time when she appeared less attractive with her ballooning abdomen.

Dreams can be triggered by factors. The meaning of the dream depends on your personal knowledge of what the dream symbol means to you, your experiences with the dream icon, cultural meanings attached to the symbol, current themes and situation in your waking life, emotional feelings and a combination of these factors. 

The husband’s mistress holds different dynamics of power. She is not bound in a marriage and can negotiate to satisfy her demands. The meandering lover usually concedes to win acceptance and sexual favor. The wife, on the other hand, is trapped in marriage. She has almost no chips to bargain with and defiance wrecks her home and relationship with her husband.
 
Some men do admit to marital transgressions like infidelity. Their wives may also aspect or know about their extramarital affairs. However, these are condoned as long as the husband’s continue to play their roles in their marital home.
 
Women who are Wives may have been mistresses of one man, or several men, before they became married. They understand the differences between being a mistress and a wife. Women generally do not violate their boundaries and stay in their roles.
 
Society and culture of many geographies are willing to turn a blind eye to married men and bachelors who are promiscuous, but frown upon spinsters and married women who are promiscuous. There are double standards for men, but not women.
 
What can a wife do to address marital infidelity when her husband has a mistress?
 
1. She should speak up to remind him of his commitment to their marriage.
 
2. The wife can remind her husband of his responsibility.
 
3. She can quote religion and ethics as a reference to incite moral behaviors.
 
4. She can hold him to ransom by with-holding emotional support and sexual intimacy.
 
5. The wife may stop doing domestic chores like cooking and cleaning.
 
6. The wife should talk to her spouse and determine what was it that his mistress sought from him, and he, from her. This establishes the dynamics of the extramarital affair and what she can do to try correcting the shortages in her marriage.
 
7. The husband’s mistress maintains her status because she desired a certain quality from that relationship. It could be financial gain, or emotional support. The cheated wife can terminate this extramarital relationship by severing the lifeline that bonded her husband’s mistress to him.
 
8. The wife can seek professional help from a counselor, therapist, psychologist, psychiatrist or social worker. These professionals usually contact the husband to arrange a common session, to discuss about the marriage.
 
9. The cheated wife may ask a third party like a trusted friend or relative, to speak to her husband, with the aim of persuading him to break away from his mistress.
 
10. In the event that she no longer wishes to stay in the marriage, she should speak to her lawyer and make plans to separate. The logistics of moving need to be arranged.
 

How the husband’s mistress started

I read a research study published in 2005 on Taiwanese married men who had wives in Taiwan, worked in China and took China mistresses. These men entertained themselves and their business clients at recreational spots and got seduced by the very tools they used to trap their customers. Mind you, this scenario can happen with any nationality, race or religion. 

Why didn’t married Taiwanese men travel with their wives and children in tow? Small business employers can’t afford additional expenses to enable this. The man’s salary is usually insufficient to support his family to live overseas with him. In the absence of the husband, the wife has to assume the role of caregiver and supporter to her husband’s ageing parents. Her presence in the homeland is much required.

Married Taiwanese men with wives back in the homeland, see them when they visit periodically. Technology has helped with realtime video calls, but this is insufficient to substitute for physical contact.

Story:

One day, I met a man who is not married to the woman he was accompanying. That man was a stranger. He probably was a bachelor, or a husband of a woman who was not standing beside him at the taxi stand. You may ask, how did I know he was not married to that woman? He acted as though he was not accompanying the woman. He stood there behaving detached and isolated. He pretended to be busy with his smartphone by scrolling down the screen, or texting.

The woman flagged down a taxi and very softly, spoke to the driver about her destination. The driver was talking loudly because he was anxious about leaving his shift and he wanted to drive to locations which were near to his desired location. The woman got uncomfortable and asked the driver why he was shouting. Then she said the name of a hotel. Then the driver understood that she desired discretion. He really turned down his volume and I could no longer hear his replies. The man was still detached and seemed unknowing of his female companion conversing with the cab driver.

This episode in real life was like the play of somebody’s husband, who had a mistress on the side and this mistress was taking him to a hotel.

Dreaming of somebody’s husband’s mistress. The dating couple were going to a hotel.

Dreaming of husband’s mistress can be a reality when:

  1. Your husband practices polygamy. In certain social cultures like cults and sex cults, polygamy is practiced. Certain religions like Islam tolerate polygamy under some conditions. A Muslim man is allowed to marry up to four wives, if each wife consents to their husband taking on yet another new wife.
  2. Some ethnic groups from some Southeast Asian countries, South America and elsewhere, were found to have practiced polygamy.
A man could marry more than one wife in a polygamous marriage way back before 1941.

Story:

A woman told me this story. She had nagging suspicions her husband was cheating on her with another woman. He kept his cell phone under his pillow and took calls at odd hours of the night. On weekends, he also spent a copious amount of time chatting on his phone. The poor wife initially trusted her husband. She was none the wiser because he conversed in his mother tongue, which wasn’t English, and she didn’t understand his language. When she asked him about his calls, he evaded her curiosity by saying he had urgent calls from his friends or relatives back in his former native soil.

One day, the wife opened her husband’s wallet out of curiosity. She saw a condom wedged in one of the plastic pocket sleeves of the wallet. She was shocked. What was he doing outside, that he needed to carry a condom in his wallet? He has become ever ready to rise to the occasion. The woman said she confronted her husband. He told her that he was sometimes approached by gay men and he  felt compelled to keep a condom ready, just in case he was raped.

Now, this wife was not intelligent at all. She was a homely woman, who spent all her time on housework, childcare, and freelance writing online. She wasn’t worldly, but trusting. She believed in her husband.

One night, this wife had a strange dream. She dreamed her husband was at the airport. There was a woman standing nearby. The wife knew by intuition, that the woman was her husband’s girlfriend. She was sending him off. The next morning, she thought nothing of her dream, because she dismissed it as nonsense.

Months passed by. The wife thought the previous puzzle with the condom was resolved. Then one day, her husband dropped a bombshell. He had resigned from his job and applied for another. He signed up for a teaching post in a developing country. He was leaving behind his wife and young child.

The wife was shaking with fear. “How can you leave us? I barely make enough money to get by”.

“Its time for you to ask your dad to loan you money”, he said.

“Please don’t go,” she begged him.

“I’m leaving. My flight is booked”.

The husband left for four years. He visited his wife and young child twice during this time. The wife accidentally found circumstantial evidence he spent time in the company of a woman.

This sad story shows how the woman’s dream of her husband cheating on her with a mistress, was true.

Comic series on WHY MEN CHEAT.

Why men cheat – unequal gender ratios means there are more women than men. They have choices.

*

Signs of boyfriend cheating.
Women don’t leave cheating husbands because of their children.

Above comic was inspired by essay from Ebony Utley (2011).

Dreaming of husband’s mistress who is younger, sexy, shapely and foxy.

*

Common tell tale signs your husband has a mistress:

  1. He goes out after dinner and tells you not to wait up.
Cheating husband goes out after dinner and tells you not to wait up.

*

Husband tells wife at the very last minute, that he’s going in to work on Saturday.

Wife cooks breakfast but husband says he is working this Saturday.

*

A wife should be suspicious when her husband often goes out to play golf, on Sundays.

Coming soon in this post:

Dreaming of relationship interference from cheaters who desire to scam money out of romantic dalliance.

Old man leery at woman.

This is a story I’ve been trying to tell. The old man is past his prime and has old age health problems. He wants to trap a younger woman to use as his sugar Mommy. He wants to usurp a woman who is already trained in domestic foundations, in order to ease himself into the established role of the man in the family.

She thinks of her family.

The woman target of his amorous and ill directed advances, thinks of her family and wants to preserve the sanctity of her family unit.

Troll instigates his followers to collectively bully a woman to enforce brain washing, to take over her.

The woman refuses the old leech’s sexual advances. The old man tried to enlist the help of his younger colleague, to collectively pressurize the woman into submission. The young man is exasperated as he knows the woman can not be forced into a romantic affair with the old man.

Woman fights back. Troll’s colleague reports incident to his female boss.
The boss reprimands the workers, especially the troll.

Of course, the old man does not obey his boss.

The female boss is in a covert relationship with one of her staff, which happens conveniently, to be the old man’s Younger Colleague.

Younger Colleague sometimes talks about being called by the boss, to perform menial chores, like wiping the vending machine, with a rag. This is essentially not in his line of duty.

Man complains he was forced to clean the vending machine with a rag.
Man’s dog reels in two women.

If you wish to attract male or female admirers, get a dog. I drew this comic after a real life incident. The man in the comic had a pug dog. This breed has a fierce, frowning face with tick wrinkles. Yet, his dog managed to win the attention of not one, but TWO women. ind you, these were beautiful women. The first woman wanted to take pictures of the pug dog. The second woman wanted to pet the dog. If I had time to wait there longer, I might have seen more women coming to pay homage to the dog. If your husband or wife has a dog and brings it for walks, be careful. The dog might just be a prop to attract people and then relationships may sprout out of the seemingly innocent encounter.

New incident:

There is an apartment unit whose main occupant rears a small dog. A plump, long haired woman, from a certain background and culture, sometimes comes out to the balcony to stand and speak to her relative. At other times, the small dog goes out into the balcony to sit or lie down. Over the space of a few months, another woman is seen standing at the same balcony, with the same small dog. This is a different woman, with short hair and slim figure, is from a different background and culture. The dog remains the same but the woman has been changed.

There is more to come. More pictures will be uploaded here. Please check back periodically from time to time. New pictures will be pasted here when they are colored and ready.

April 2020

There is a celebrity gossip story about a dating couple. The man is older than his girlfriend. They had been dating for 9 years, with some of these years co-living together as a couple. He has two cell phones, with one exclusively used to communicate with women. He told his live-in love that she should trust him, and not check his phones. One day, she did. She found evidence he was cheating on her, and confronted him. He promised to mend his ways. This girlfriend believed him and gave him a second chance. She soon discovered he wanted a third chance, then a fourth chance, then fifth, then sixth … After nine years, she finally parted ways with him. Much later, she revealed he had invited women over to their shared home, whenever she wasn’t home. Also, whenever he traveled out alone without her, he would invite women to his room. After their breakup, she exposed his behaviors, because she wanted to warn all his girlfriends about him.

In power relationships, like when a woman is indebted to her boss, he can take advantage of her and she, him, by developing a sexual relationship. This girlfriend accused her ex-boyfriend of taking advantage of his makeup artiste and colleague/ protege, to ask for intimacy. The cheated woman was afraid she would have caught a sexually transmitted disease and she went for testing.

This man’s alleged side chick made some outrageous remarks about her boss being her boyfriend, flirted with him in their public works and showed off her expensive birthday presents gifted to her by her boyfriend-boss. When people knew about the complicated love triangle, they mostly sided with the wronged woman.

Healing after ill treatment from cheating –

Ill treatment is a form of abuse. If the husband does not respect his wife/ partner, and keeps a side chick along the way, he has misused his power. He misused it to cheat with another woman. Everyone has their own power, including the cheated spouse/ girlfriend. The cheated partner can use their power to heal over this damaged relationship.

When you were cheated on, you did not have any control over this. Your partner/ spouse went ahead to commit the affair. Now that you are aware of it, you have the power to choose what you are going to do about it. You are going to heal over your hurt.

You can use your anger in a productive way. Learn to practice a hobby or new hobby. If you can make small or big products for sale, or collect for its beauty, you are channeling your time and energy positively.

If you had been dreaming of husband’s mistress and think you’re cheated, how can you help yourself?

  1. Stop thinking about the past. Let it go. I think, and therefore I am. So when you think of hurts, you become that hurt person who’s bleeding pain. Instead, think positive thoughts. I think positive, therefore, I am positive. I am going forward after this episode.
  2. If you feel abandoned and afraid, don’t. Turn to your close relatives and friends. Think of mending first before you think of separating and divorce. Can you accept and forgive him? Do you want to give him another chance? Do you want to try mending your broken relationship? How has he responded to repair the relationship?
  3. If you both decide to end the relationship in marriage, think of how to progress forward. Can you handle your new set of finances? If you were not working before, are you going to start working after your split? Going through your practical issues will reduce your stress and anxieties.
  4. Acknowledge your emotional stress and needs. It hurts to know betrayal and feel unjustly cheated. Cry if you feel like it because emotional de-stressing helps you to slowly heal.
  5. You will reminiscence about the past. As you think over each challenging episode, you may gain new insights about why things happened in those ways.
  6. If you need to talk to someone, seek out your confidante. Sign up for professional counselling if you think you need professional therapy.

THIS POST WILL BE CONTINUED SOON. PLEASE CHECK BACK LATER.

References

Smith, D. J. (2010). Promiscuous Girls, Good wives, and cheating husbands: Gender inequality, transitions to marriage, and infidelity in Southeastern Nigeria. Anthropol Q. 2010 Winter, 83(1): 10.1353/anq.0.0118. DOI: 10.1353/anq.0.0118.

Utley, E. A. (2011). When Better Becomes worse: Black wives describe their experiences with infidelity. Black Women, Gender and families. Spring 2011, Vol. 5, No. 1, p. 66 – 89. Board of Trustees of the University of Illinois: USA.

Related post:

Healing broken heart after dreaming and seeing husband’s mistress.