explaining The Loneliness of Sonia and Sunny – Dreams, Meditation, Mental Health …

The Loneliness of Sonia and Sunny by Kiran Desai

We’re using psychology for explaining The Loneliness of Sonia and Sunny.

How do we start Meditating on Solutions for Loneliness? Let’s use the example of Sonia and Sunny, two characters in Kiran Desai’s book.

We look into possible causes for the Loneliness of Sonia and Sunny. Psychology and sociology have explanations for these characters in Kiran Desai’s book, which is shortlisted in the running for 2025 Booker Prize.

Sonia Shah and Sunny Bhatia could be affected by their respective families. Sonia Shah, studying in the US, is disconnected (and lonely) from her culture and society.

Sunny has only his mom, after his dad died. His background is similar to Sonia’s he has low social capital too. He did not complain about loneliness, but the reader knows he chose to study in the US, to get a life away from his widowed mother. She used Sunny as an alternate icon, to share her bed, after her husband died. One day, Sunny couldn’t tolerate it anymore, moved back to his bedroom and asked for a separate life in the US.

High cost of living, small family units, more time spent online, number of public spaces decrease, and size of free public spaces decrease.

Do any of these factors resonate with you? Does any of these causes ring a bell in your head? I agree with them. Inflation puts pressure on a family and the parents decide to have only one child, or maybe two kids. If the offspring are of different gender, they may find some difficulties connecting and bonding. I can understand how the sister and brother can end up feeling lonely, although the parents have expected them to keep each other company.

We would guess that when two children belong to same gender, they would bond. But we can’t leave it to nature to gift the mother two kids of the same gender. The smart reader would suggest having three children as one of the solutions to the issue of the gender divide. Maybe. Its either getting

boy, girl, boy,

boy, boy, boy,

girl, girl, girl,

girl, girl, boy

But when the parents have two of the same gender, there is no necessity to have the third child, because what if the third is from the other gender? Then the third child is the odd one out of possibility of same gender bonding.

How do the rest of us handle the long hours of traveling in a train? We read, sleep, watch something on our smart device, listen to music, or talk to strangers. This is what Sonia and Sunny did, although they weren’t exactly strangers. Many years ago, their grandparents tried to matchmake them, while being ignorant that they were already attached in dysfunctional relationships. Then, on that fateful day, they physically crossed paths. They bonded while traveling on a train. The confined space of a train carriage reduced distraction and they could connect with communication.

Two lonely people like Sonia and Sunny meet at a space that allows for meaningful connections. With social skills gleaned from previous failed relationships, they really talk to connect.

One takeaway lesson is – the train is a space for meaningful connection; or the train can be that kind of space.

Here are some solutions to help handle the problem of loneliness:

tackling loneliness: Social skills training, cognitive behavior therapy, spaces for meaningful connections.

Theoretically, opposites are able to attract not because they originate from diverse backgrounds, but because they possess social skills, and meet in spaces conducive for befriending and bonding.

If a person is affected by loneliness, they will think about it. Their unconsciousness may invent dreams about loneliness .

Related posts –

https://artmater.com/dreaming-of-lonely-waiting/

Loneliness isn’t the bane of personal and domestic discord. In fact, the opposite of loneliness, gatherings, may also contribute to problems like quarrels and ensuing violence. Holidays are periods when families gather to celebrate.

However, in some cultures, some unfairness in patriarchal households result in females shouldering much of the burden for food preparation. As people spend more time together in the enclosed confines of a home, the tendency for friction increases. Consequently, there is some stress and tension, which may erupt into violence if conditions escalate. Handlers of emergency call services report that it is usual for calls to increase during festive holidays.

Before you meditate on what solutions to try to erase your loneliness, you should meditate on what causes you to feel lonely.

Some people say that loneliness is a symptom of a real problem, which is boredom, or lack of activity. You have to plan your calendar and schedule your activities.

If you had been accompanied by family, or friends, you’ll feel lonely when you’re left alone. Other times, when you’re sick and need to be isolated, you might feel lonely with the sudden change of circumstances. However, this period is only temporary, as after you recuperate, you can join your family and companions again.

What do you do when old relatives and/ or friends relocate? Or maybe you’re the one who has to move away. How do you meet new people and make new friends? Usually, we connect with people when we have a common interest. Try to think of a hobby or pastime where you can meet people. Exercise, book club, photography and etc are activities where you go out and you’ll definitely meet people.

You can consider volunteering at charities for people or animals. You’ll meet experienced volunteers who are likely to welcome you.

If you think you’re different in any way; like having a different culture, language, social class, mobility, age or etc, you can find friends who understand and will accept you.

Sometimes, the root cause of people avoiding you is your behavior. You can reflect and do a self-examination. Do you think you behave well with others? Or do you think you sometimes are unkind/ self-centered? Do you think you want to make amends to try to right the wrong and maybe people will forgive you?

You can share your house/ apartment with a tenant and receive income to support yourself. talk and interview potential tenants to understand them. You must choose someone who can be compatible with you. This way, you won’t be dealing with irritations from your tenant.

If you feel empty, you could be lacking in spirituality. You should try to pray, meditate, attend church or religious worship.

If you can’t agree with yourself on a possible solution, then its time to consult with a psychiatrist/ psychologist/ counselor/ therapist or someone who can help you find a solution.

I’m reading The Loneliness of Sonia and Sunny. I have seen and experienced a character like Sonia. She studies in a college away from her hometown. She is disconnected from her family and old friends. She feels lonely and becomes depressed. (Desai, p.4) Her family and relatives can’t help her. Their opinions are different. Sonia was given the opportunity to break out of the patriarchal lineage, and not only study, but receive her education overseas in America. Sonia is made to feel ungrateful.

There’s humor when Ms Desai wrote of how typical it is for Indian tourists (and everyone else) to remember the bad incidents and forget about the beautiful sights. (Desai, p.7)

India is dusty. When I visited India, I breathed in dust. My nostrils and mucus were black. In the story, Mina Foi showed Sonia how her spittle was also black. (Desai, p.8) I don’t know about this as I never spat in India.

After Sonia met the painter (artist) Ilan de Toorjen Floss, she was in a hurry to talk about her life, “Because her condition of winter loneliness had grown acute, and she felt compelled to tell her most compelling stories so she would be attractive and they could know each other quickly, profoundly, so she could relieve her solitude.” (Desai, p. 26-27) Ilan, being 32 years older than Sonia, was skilled in wooing women, using praise and flattery to lower her guard. He often photographed Sonia with a tiny Leica camera. We all know that small cameras have limited focal capacity and its photos are likely to show this limitation. It was more aplomb to seduce Sonia. Ilan said to her, “You have an interesting family and expressive hands.” (Desai, p. 29)

We note the hypocrite reversed his expressed view when he tired of Sonia and left her by saying, they had nothing to talk about.

Sonia’s college mate, Lazlo, was so disconnected that one day, he suddenly flipped, laid on his back, and stuck up his arms and legs vertically towards the ceiling. He had to be sent to hospital.

73 pages in, we learn why Mina Foi divorced her new husband of two months, who lived in Brussels. Someone sent a photo of him with a woman and two children who looked like they were his kids. Mina Foi and her parents in India received it.

To be continued soon.

Related posts which are book reviews of the themes in The Loneliness of Sonia and Sunny

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